falling into place

If you would have asked me five years ago what my plan was for my life my answers would have been so monumentally different than where we are now. I don’t know if I could have ever predicted landing in Poland. Life has a funny way of doing that you know, surprising us. We so often overestimate what we can do in a year but underestimate what we can do in five. There are very few moments in your life when you can identify the exact spark that set your world on fire, for better or worse. Perhaps, it’s more a series of sparks that eventually catch and then for a brief moment we are completely mesmerised by the sheer potential we each hold.

Over the course of the last, year or so five hundred and forty two days to be precise, I have fallen in love with a country so often overlooked and underrated. Witnessing the life burst out of trees in hues of gold will forever be imprinted on my soul. Finding the courage to get my ass on a bike and pedal my way to school not realising that air would softly hold the scent of lilac. Eating more hummus than recommended by any human ever and tripping over a language that still makes my eyes feel drunk. I found myself heartbroken and lonely on cold winter nights and cursing under my breath at the ice that nearly stole my life. There were painful lessons in friendship, trust and growing up but equally this place has provided me with a group of friends that are family. We drink too much wine and bitch often but they are my lifeboats.

I never moved to Warsaw with the intent of it being my forever home, but I also never intended on living here two years and packing my bags again. However, dreams are a thing and love is a rarity. And every so often, when the timing is right, extraordinary events occur and it all aligns perfectly. I will be swapping pierogis and Chopin for windmills and tulips. I will hold Warsaw in my memories with as much adoration as I have for it’s strawberries and vodka but come summertime I will be wearing some wooden shoes, eating cheese on a the edge of a canal all the while teaching in The Netherlands. So come play, would you?

This being said, where ever you are and whomever you sit with, I hope you realise that those dreams you have, they are not too far fetched. Just two months ago, I sat upon this very couch with a restless heart and anxious mind afraid of never landing. Your time will come too. And perhaps instead of thinking about “what if it all goes wrong”, we could try to change the narrative to “what if it all goes right”, “what if all my hard work does pay off”. Because you know what you deserve it. In the meantime, do the best you can until you know better and then do better.