a decade, or three.

Thirty is upon me. It snuck up on you like a shadow in the dark. Although, I am not afraid as I once was. For as long as I could remember thirty was something unattainable, so grown-up and I had a list of goals that were imprinted upon me by a society that I had been thrust into. As I got older and my views of the world became more complex and my heart became scarred. The goals that once seemed permanently inked upon my skin washed away with the rain. The universe became more complex, reality tarnished my lens of humanity and my idea of the quintessential life completely metamorphosed.
I am writing this from half way across the world, with a passport filled with stamps and a window bejewelled by Spring-time crystals. I find myself wondering, about all the things the led me here. Is this the life that I had always dreamed of? Probably not, but if you ask those who have known me all my life, I wonder if they would be surprised. I find myself having to pinch myself at times because of how whole I feel so far away from home.

In these past three decades I have learned quite a few lessons. I have learned to accept myself as I am because to the people that love you, you are gorgeous already. It is not because of your imperfections and faults but rather because they are so willing to see you in an authentic light. Once they see you into your soul, your shortcomings start to fade away. The people who care about you are more than willing to let you be chaotic, imperfect and  beautiful too. I am the embodiment of many quirks that to some make me unrelateable and an awkward mess but to a handful I am an irresistible mixture of weird that leaves them in stitches. I have moments where I photoshop my own reflection in my mind tearing myself down as I compare to the images in the magazines. I have lines on my face from the days where I thought I was invincible to the sun and allergic to sunscreen and kisses from angels have forever landed upon my face. My eyes may crinkle when I smile and my stomach is far from perfect, the voice inside my head can be overwhelmingly rude and insensitive but I have begun to realise that some of this doesn’t matter. No matter our age there are still endless possibilities within us and new beauty that is waiting to flourish.

This crazy mixed up world is constantly providing us with infinite opportunities. Absolutely anything is possible. We have the power within our own hands to turn the tables, shift tides and to play the cards we were dealt like masters. But never have I ever grown without risking something, and sometimes everything. There is an exhilarating freedom in risking everything for a dream that no one else sees but you. With your toes hanging at the edge of the cliff of a new life your mind will come up with a million reasons why you shouldn’t. It’s too crazy. Too risky. It might hurt. You will miss things. And while all of these things are absolutely true, you know what else is? Standing on the edge worrying about what might be will without a doubt waste a perfectly good life. The most exhilarating, breathtaking and stunning thing that you could do, is just go for it. Take the leap. Because the biggest mistake that we could ever make in this world is living as if you may get another chance to experience this world and of its glory.

Most importantly, I have learned to treat everyone with kindness for as Mark Twain said kindness is the one language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see. We aren’t here for long. I have seen that the best people are taken from us too soon in ways so unexpected it shakes you down to your core. Whether its the loss of a friendship, lover, or family be gentle with yourself, mourning is love with no where to go. The empty spaces we feel from loss?  I have begun to fill those spaces with dreams and the idea of blossoming, filling these crevices with so many delicate reminders of love so that one day they don’t hurt anymore.  It has become apparent to me that it is vital to share your strength, because you never know who is in need. Share your light because other’s may be experiencing darker days and shout your love from the rooftops. Make a point to dance in the moonlight and laugh until you cry. Because being kind to people would be a wonderful legacy to leave behind.

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things i have learned:

  1. love thigh self, love thy neighbour
  2. nobody is ever ready, jump afraid.
  3. i am my own problem, however i am also my own solution
  4. sometimes your circle decreases in size, but increases in value
  5. be gentle with yourself, be gentle with others

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